Time Out

I have a colleague named Emily, who's like a kakak to me. It's been awhile since I really got the chance to chat with her (other than work related stuff). My mom still remembers her when she visited my place for Hari Raya 2 yrs back. Both of us were on the afternoon shift just now & made our way down to the locker rooms together. Emily asked if I wanna accompany her while she has a smoke, & I thought..why not...since I'm already a famous passive smoker.

She enquired about my well-being & how I'm coping with work etc. I told her work's fine coz I'm used to the stress, but when I shared with her about so & so, I felt overwhelmed with emotions & I teared. That so & so must have remembered....how Emily had "comforted" him too, when he lost the Ipod I gave him 2 yrs back. And he told me after that, "Emily is like a sister I never had". I'm moving on..& I prefer to be on my own for now (seeing how scary men can be). On my way to work, I saw a couple in the MRT....& their actions remind me of how he & I used to tease each other. THAT makes me sad...coz I had my hopes high & deep trust for him.

I wish I can give up the thoughts of asking why, what & how (there're so many questions he couldn't afford to answer).

I wish he could tell me the truth (or be a better liar?).

I wish I don't have to remember ANY of our happier times together (I'd rather not have the good memories if he could disappoint me like that).

I wish I'm stronger (God, pls help me).

I wish I can run away from here (I'm seriously planning to)....